Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Midnight Turkey Wrangling and Interesting Life

When old friends who haven't connected with me in eons find out what I've been doing, they always remark how interesting my life is.  Come to think about it, people who know me still make that remark, making me wonder if my life is a twist on the Chinese curse, "May you live in interesting times."

Okay, yes, I have raced sled dogs and once chased a Pomeranian through his backyard.  Yes, I've lost a bout with a llama.  Yes, I own nine goats.  Doesn't everybody?

The other night around midnight I discovered my turkey pen in the barn was open.

Usually this is a cause for concern because, contrary to WKRP, my turkeys can fly, being from heritage breed stock and not the broad-breasted variety.

I spied a turkey hen in the rafters of my barn.

So, I did what any insane person would do at midnight.  I grabbed an ice chopper and tried to get her to carefully land so I could put her back in her pen.

Well, that didn't work.  Instead, she flew to a higher place.  Lovely.  So, I took out the feed and tossed some at the birds.  She watched with interest, but decided it was far better to hang out on her new perch.

So, I tried again.  This time, I got her to sort of crash land in the Tom turkey pen and grasped her.  The only thing I could grab while she was taking off was tail feathers--which promptly came off in my hands.  I managed to grab a wing, all the time sending up clouds of asphyxiating dust, no doubt filled with hantavirus-ladened  mouse poop.  Another grab, and I managed a talon.

So, I grabbed the other talon and she was upside-down.  It appears that turkeys don't struggle upside-down because they're trying to get their heads rightside-up. Each time I tried to get her turned upright, she beat me about the face with her wings.  I carried her back to her pen and got her rightside up by hugging her to my body and turning her up.  Surprisingly I manage to do this without getting turkey poop on me.  Amazing.

So, when people say I live an interesting life, I simply think about midnight turkey wrangling and wonder what in the hell is wrong with me.

This article is published on eatingwildmontana.blogspot.com.  If you can't see the photos or video, go there and check it out.

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